Philly


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Thursday March 15th

 The Fetals, Human Shield, Thee Nosebleeds, and Pool of Thorns
Thursday 8pm
Trocadero Theatre
1003 Arch St.
Philadelphia, PA

Their invite blurb for this said “come get your face smashed out.” Now that’s appealing.
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Henry Rollins: The Long March Tour
Thursday 7:30pm
Union Transfer
1024 Spring Garden St.
Philadelphia, PA

$20 adv $22 dos
When I was a little boy there was a big tattooed muscle man who jumped around stage in his underwear screaming and scaring people. Now he is a grey haired man who walks around stage talking and scaring people.
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Thirsty Thursdays with Kash and Nash Bash
Thursday 9pm
Sisters
1320 Chancellor St
Philadelphia, PA

Lesbian Karaoke has never been so gay. They put out a buffet too.
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Farrah & Ashley of Rock of Love Blondetourage
Gold Room
1416 Chancellor St.
Philadephia, PA

Now see, this is the kinda night I can get into. Trashy reality stars stripping in a topless bar hidden in an alley behind the Applebees dumpsters? You know it’s gotta be good.
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New Radio
Thursday 9pm
Barbarella (second floor Barbary)
951 E. Frankford
Philadelphia, PA

free
See kids, once there was this thing called a radio and it played – rock n roll, these guys get it and now so will you. If you go. Maybe you won’t because you’re stupid.
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Thinking Machines, Harsh Vibes
Thursday 9pm
Kung Fu Necktie
1250 North Front
Philadelphia, PA

$5
Philly boys who enjoy making noise with musical instruments. That’s what they say, but it sounds more like music to me. But what do I know.
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The Double Beat Back
10pm
The Trestle Inn
339 North 11th Street
Philadelphia

The most beautiful bar in Philadelphia commanding beautiful vintage go-go. Tonight you’ll hear great old funk & soul for the girls to shake their money makers too.
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The Casualties, Toxic Holocaust, Night Birds, Combat Crisis
Thursday 6:30pm
Barbary
951 Frankford Ave
Philadelphia, PA

$15
Punk’s not dead, it just smells that way, along with the smell of dirty feet and stale beer, Hershey squirts, tacos and the Casualties.
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Mostly Maybe, The Gallerist, East AM
Thursday 8pm
Northstar Bar
2639 Poplar Street
Philadelphia, PA

$8
If you took 20 gallons of patchouli and boiled it down to a pin head, you would have these guys. I’m specifically putting this in to see if Mr. Black’s head explodes. As the Colonel said to Private Joker “We’ve gotta keep our heads until this peace craze blows over.”
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Phone Home, This Temper
Thursday 9pm
The M Room
15 W. Girard
Philadelphia, PA

$8
The Native New York instrumental pop-duo creates rhythmically driving, atmospheric blah blah blah more pills please.
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Bob & Barbara’s Drag Show
Thursday 11:00 pm
Bob & Barbara’s Lounge
1509 South St.
Philadelphia, PA

$7
The dirtiest bar in Philly with the dirtiest drag queens. Lisa lisa has tits that are real. Some how I feel like that should disqualify her as the host. They look nice though.

Obits, Fists, The Homophones
Thursday 8pm
Johnny Brenda’s
1201 Frankford Avenue
Philadelphia, PA

$12
A lineup that manages to use the words “Lo-Fi” in their press blurb at least four times. Did I already make any pill jokes today?
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Friday March 16th

A Night at the Mütter Museum with Dr. Sketchy Philadelphia
Friday 6pm
The College of Physicians of Philadelphia and Mutter Museum
19 S. 22nd St.
Philadelphia, PA
$15
Beautiful nude or near nude burlesque girls art posing in the medical oddities museum? Yes please. I hope no one notices I draw stick figures like a three year old.
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Gender EDGE: Punk Arts Collectivity featuring Sister Mantos
Friday 8pm
Beaumont Wherehouse
5027 Beaumont Ave.
Philadelphia, PA

$ Donations
As they say “Very rad bands/artists + militant, radical, steadfastly unofficial trans/queer art activism” Pus it will be feature Sister Mantos “low fi disco not punk experimental funk performance art.” Whoah.
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Safari
Thursday 9pm
The Barbary
951 Frankford Ave
Philadelphia, PA

$5
Three dance floors all open at once. Heaven for some, hell for others. Such is the Barbary.
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Farrah & Ashley of Rock of Love Blondetourage
Friday 10pm
Gold Room
1416 Chancellor St.
Philadephia, PA

Missed it on Thursday? Trashy reality stars stripping in a topless bar hidden in an alley behind the Applebees dumpsters? You know it’s gotta be good.
Site

Truckfighters, The Midnight Ghost Train, Skeleton Hands
Friday 8:30pm
The Station Bar And Grill
1550 McKean St
Philadelphia, PA

$10
You know we love us some Truckfighters around here. The Sweds are always so laid back, but always rock so hard. Carnage, Abba, Truckfighters…
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Bomb The Music Industry, Classics Of Love, Mike Park, Spraynard, Captain, We’re Sinking!
Friday 7pm
First Unitarian Church
2125 Chestnut Street
Philadelphia, PA

$10
A headlining Celtic breakcore band? Fuck AND yeah. Plus they’re setting up a screen printing station instead of a merch stand. Bring a shirt they’ll print you on the spot for tips.
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Hank 3, HellBilly, Attention Deficit Domination
Friday 8pm
Trocadero Theatre
1003 Arch St.
Philadelphia, PA

$18 adv $20 dos
The evil country hell spawn of the tres generational legendary country music purebred visits Philly to drink whiskey and kick serious ass.
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Giant Panda Guerilla Dub Squad
Friday 9pm
Northstar Bar
2639 Poplar Street
Philadelphia, PA

$12 adv $15 dos
This is either a cadre of militant terroristic bears or a really chill white boy reggae band. I’m not sure which.
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Rubix Kube- Back to the Eighties Tribute
Friday 9pm
The Blockley
3801 Chestnut Street
Philadelphia, PA

$10 adv $12 dos
I look at these guys and I can’t tell if they are complete and total dip shits or brilliant performance artists. Both?
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Brown Recluse, We Can’t Enjoy Ourselves, Resistor
Friday $8
Kung Fu Necktie
1250 North Front
Philadelphia, PA

$8
The Philly based Brown Recluse reminds me of going on road trips with my violent, often depressed, now ex-girlfriend. I’m going to buy a copy of their LP to accentuate my never healed scratch scars.
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Saturday March 17th

I Am The Avalanche, Hostage Calm, Banquets
Saturday 3:30pm
First Unitarian Church
2125 Chestnut Street
Philadelphia, PA

$12
Will someone please tell us what is up with so many matinee punk shows going on around town? Clear out before the banjo jam band comes in tonight please.
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Farrah & Ashley of Rock of Love Blondetourage
Saturday 10pm
Gold Room
1416 Chancellor St.
Philadephia, PA

Missed it on Friday too? Trashy reality stars stripping in a topless bar hidden in an alley behind the Applebees dumpsters? You know it’s gotta be good.
Site

Mischief Brew, Far From Finished, The Brood
Saturday 7:30pm
Kung Fu Necktie
1250 North Front
Philadelphia, PA

$10
They use the words “anarchy, hilarity, and rebellion” in their press blurb and their music seems to prove it so. We like that.
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Elliott Brood, The Pack A.D.
Saturday
Northstar Bar
2639 Poplar Street
Philadelphia, PA

$10
I’ll be honest, I don’t care for Elliot Brood at all. But the opening band, The Pack A.D. will liven up what would normally be a ball-less affair.
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Penhouse Pet of the Month, Gina Lynn
Friday 10pm
Penthouse Club
3001 Castor Ave
Philadelphia, PA

$20
We normally don’t do so many stripper appearances, but this weekend there seems to be a glut of awesome silicon madness in the city of brotherly love and we have a weakness for Gina.
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Octane, electric Boa, Honor
Saturday 7pm
The Electric Factory
421 North 7th Street
Philadelphia, PA

$18 adv $20 dos
While I generally don’t endorse spray tan tribal tattoo neo hair metal, I will say this. If you have a craving for rock Cogars, there will be plenty of bleached extensions and fake tits in this audience. Or you could just pay to see the Rock of Love Girls stripping, or Gina Lynn Stripping. (See above.) What the fuck Philly?
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Mantis Music Showcase
Saturday 12:30am and 6pm
Trocadero Theatre
1003 Arch St.
Philadelphia, PA

$12 afternoon $16 evening
Praying Mantis Entertainment, a music label we’ve never heard of is staging an all day and all night music fest of 12 bands we’ve never heard of.
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Anything U Can Shake YRHips2
Saturday 10pm
Silk City
435 Spring Garden St
Philadelphia, PA

$3 girls $7 guys
Dancing is important especially when your favorite type of music is anything. Go dance at Silk City. Featuring Dj Deejay.
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Shorty Boy Boy 7″ Release Party w/Langor, Mount Joy
Saturday 8pm
Johnny Brenda’s
1201 Frankford Avenue
Philadelphia, PA

$10
Johnny Brenda’s has been booking some serious dog shit lately but still has gems. While it’s Shorty Boy Boy’s party, look for trippy ass Langor to steal the show.
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Sunday March 18th

Swooped: Based On A True Life Occurrence
Sunday 5pm
Trocadero Theatre
1003 Arch St.
Philadelphia, PA

$11
Screening of an independent comedy with three short films. Would appear to be just about the only thing gone today.
Site

Seriously, what the fuck is going on here Philly? Is this city so in to amateur hour Saint Patrick day that that literally every venue in Philadelphia shut down today? Pretty much nothing to do, Either go to the Troc or stay in and watch t.v., pussies.


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