Why Danny Trejo Is The Sexiest Man Alive

Death by Party | Machete Kills And My Open Love Letter To Danny Trejo

Here is my most recent open letter to my soulmate and murder dog, Danny Trejo.

Dear Danny,

I’m here within the walls of my skin cell, thinking about how to be happier this fall. I do not want to feel pain because of the needles and exacto knives, but I miss you so much that I punched my roommate in the face, twice. I am going to drop everything and run to the theatre when Machete Kills comes out. I want to kiss your hands and color in the hat on your chest lady tattoo with lipstick.
I want you to know, when you say “orale güey” I cum hard like I’m getting hit with a shoe.

Tortuga may have been a bit part, but Machette will live on forever just like my commitment to you. I am in need of your rough prison tempered care and affection. As I believe these are things that only you can give me to my satisfaction. So I’m on the road to to the Riverview Multiplex for happiness and overpriced popcorn and I will be stopped for anything, not my job, not my doctors and not the fact that the movie hasn’t been released yet.

All I ask in return is that you take your big strong murdering knife and make Sinead O’Connor stop writing open letters to Miley Cyrus. When you’re done please use it on Miley too. I hope this request finds all receptivity on your part. I know you love me very much and all you want is to be by my side. So, it seems, we will satisfy our blood lust and hunger for each other like a feast of God’s Chimichangas delivered by angels descended from the sky.

Many kisses from this dedicated fool.

By Annette Garcia

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