If You Put Your Fist In Your Ass, You’ll Go Blind

Death by Party | 975 Masturbation PSA

Recently I had the pleasure of meeting a beautiful woman of Brazilian descent online. Something about these women completely turn me on. We knew everything about one another from a combination of both our detailed profiles along with the hours of telephone conversations in the week leading up to our meeting. Upon our physical introduction I knew a vast moment of preparation was in store. We had agreed to meet on the beach and given only 48 hours to prepare I knew a fake base tan and a couple days of fasting was essential along with proper grooming of my body hair. In the five days since I had met this beauty on the computer, I had even refrained from masturbating. Little did I know that this effort of restraint may actually have hurt me in the end.

A red flag was hoisted when she told me she was going to be with her Ecuadorian girlfriend during our physical meeting. If this girl was American I would have cancelled then and there. The last thing you need is another woman to steer the opinion of her friend which in my experiences is always negative. However I always had this prejudice that South American women were different, especially Brazilian women. Maybe it’s the pictures of Carnival that have always flashed in front of my eyes that exerted this sense of an insatiable amount of sexuality stored within their wonderful bodies. Or maybe it was the fact that I always get an erection when I hear the lyrics to the Girl from Ipanema. One thing I knew while walking down the beach to meet this woman was that there existed a 90 percent chance we’d be having sex before sundown.

That notion was shot down around the 10 minute mark after our initial hello. I think the mistake I made was to lay on my stomach over my beach towel within cunt-shot of her beautiful booty. At least I could have had the decency to wear sunglasses. Her friend wasn’t that bad either as inklings of pre-cum began to drizzle out of me upon every word she said. When I stood up after our conversation I knew she was lying when she said: “we should meet up in a couple hours for a drink.” She wanted nothing to do with my gringo manhood. Knowing this after returning to my beach home, I feverishly finished off what the hot sand and a fine Brazilian accent had started, posting up in my bed under the covers sort of like the boy in this Retro Masturbation PSA that has been making the rounds on the Internet. Only I remembered to lock my bedroom door and in the end I had not the faintest scent of shame but rather this odd feeling of ironic relief.

By Lou Cervantes

Tags: , , , , , , ,

Leave a Reply