Don’t Choke In Your Sleep

Nude Model, Apnea

Death by Party | Nude Model Apnea 

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I have sleep apnea.  It’s scary.  People have died of it and I’m not proud of being a recipient.  I sleep on my stomach.  Trust me, nothing sucks worse than waking up with dirt all over your chin.  It’s bad for your skin and it increases your risk of contracting a sore throat.

The research for apnea treatments has me really freaked out.  Do I really have to go to sleep with a chin-strap wrapped around me for the rest of my life?  What will my children think of me one day with my face covered inside such a contraption?  They might think I’m a robot or even worse they may wonder if they too are robots.  The only thing good that can come out of this is an appreciation for chess and trivia quizzes.  Which will eventually lead to the sad truth, they’re not robots because they lose frequently at chess and are merely average test-takers.  Guilt will riddle my fatherhood experience.  And it’s all because of this nosy sleep ailment.

One good thing that’s come out of my research has been discovering a young model that goes by the name Apnea.  I feel like it’s suitable to say that I discovered her on my computer in the middle of a rough night.  I almost felt like I was lost in a dream.  There was definitely hope that she would come out of the screen.  I feel like she doesn’t even talk, her voice probably has the chirp of some lost heaven’s misguided angel.  She could launch ten thousand ships on Middle Earth with that face and probably take on any robot at a game of chess with her mind.  Just like she’s taken on my mind and given me an aura of hope during my nighttime choke.  She’s given me plenty of reason to get back to the business of sleep and to the wonderful continuation of good dreaming.  Now I no longer have to feel shame about waking up with my head face-planted to the ground in the middle of rough Monday morning.

By Lou Cervantes

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