Juicy J Saves Hip Hop (Just Kidding)

Death by Party | Zip and a double… something…

Juicy J is quite possibly the most fascinating man alive. He’s a hated playa, unintentional Bombay Sapphire spokesman, proponent of the double cup method of achieving a perpetual state of crunk and of course an amusing wordsmith.  But after sniffing around on the internet, I’ve discovered there is so much more to Mr. Juicy.

Juicy J was born into a well known family of spree killers and spent his childhood hiding out on a Guatemalan coffee plantation. By his early teens he had utilized his knowledge of mountain farming to manage several successful coca plant operations across South America. At 20, the already feared horticulturalist moved to the states to go to school for rhymology. After a year of classes, Juicy dropped out of DeVry University to focus on his budding exotic dancing career. While shaking his money maker he was discovered by a promotor.

When he’s not getting crunk with the bitches, or saving hip hop, Juicy enjoys equestrian competitions, sock puppets and water sports. Always the social activist and family man, Juicy recently adopted a pair of 18 year old girls from Thailand and says he plans on teaching them Yoga.

So next time you want to dismiss the venerable Juicy J as just another vapid, narcissistic, materialistic, comical stereotype of all the negative aspects of the genre- stop. There are so many other false facades that can be made up about the man.

-Felicia Jackson

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