I Would Rather Have A Fake Sasha Grey Than A Real Pip Brown

Sasha Grey Deep Throat Pocket Pal is better than a live Pip Brown

Death by Party | Sasha Grey Deep Throat Pocket Pal: Synthetic Solutions For Bad Dating Choices

Last week my dear friend and co-contributor Kevin penned the blog post “My Subconscious Pip Brown-Ladyhawke Obsession And The Crazy Bitches Who Fulfill It” In this post, Kevin confides to us that he was shocked and horrified when he realized that all the bat shit ladies he’s dated look just like the Australian hipster pop sensation Pip Brown AKA Ladyhawke.

My heart goes out to poor Kevin. He seems to be stuck in a horrible nightmare where he can’t help but attract tall, skinny, model beautiful, long haired, blonde girls. Words can’t describe the tears of empathy I cried for this poor lost soul.

You see, his heart wrenching story really touched me because I had a similar realization. I dated my last girlfriend, Deep Throat Pocket Pal, for about 6 months. I met Deep Throat Pocket Pal on my favorite dating site Adam & Eve. We immediately started spending hours together. Unlike the crazy bitches Kevin dates, Deep Throat Pocket Pal was a really chill, laid back, synthetic fuck mouth. I mean we could talk or not talk for hours. We would go for long drives together, I would take her out to bars and movie theaters, I even took her to my parent’s house.

You can’t imagine how shocked I was when I discovered that Deep Throat Pocket Pal was actually cast from the real life face of porn star icon Sasha Grey. It was pointed out to me one drunken night by one of my buddies while we were trying to stretch Deep Throat Pocket Pal’s lips around empty beer bottles.

I didn’t believe him until I went back on Adam & Eve and confirmed it. There it was. Deep Throat Pocket Pal really was a lifelike, synthetic silicon mold of Sasha Grey. After that, every time we were together, all I could picture was Sasha Grey sucking my cock. 🙁 Eventually I just gave Deep Throat Pocket Pal to my neighbor’s pitbull.

But this got me to thinking. Looking back, I realized that all my past Deep Throat Pocket Pals were casts of Sasha Grey’s mouth too. I’m not sure what it says about me as a person, perhaps that I masturbate a lot. Regardless, unlike Kevin with his unnatural addiction to tall skinny blondes, I am actively trying to break my patterns. Recently I met my new friend, King Dong on Adam & Eve and we are really breaking new ground together.

I told Kevin and I’ll tell you, if you are looking for a date that won’t steal your credit cards or burn your shit, check out this site.

By James Jarvis

Photos courtesy of http://fysashagrey.tumblr.com & http://fuckyeahpipbrown.tumblr.com

Tags: , , , , , , ,

One Response to “I Would Rather Have A Fake Sasha Grey Than A Real Pip Brown”

  1. […] Looking at Sasha Grey will never get old […]

Leave a Reply