Creator Of The Porno Stache

harry reems pornstar dead02 Creator Of The Porno Stache

 Death by Party | RIP Harry Reems: joining Linda lovelace in born-again porn star heaven

There are days where I wish I had a mustache. Or better yet could grow one on my fat baby face. It’s not because I like to spin pizzas, wear sombreros, or do coke in the bathroom of my used-car dealership that is about to be taken by the IRS. Ok, well maybe the latter. A mustache makes the men who don them. They make it acceptable to be a pervert. Or a cokehead that is about to lose their used car dealership.

Men with mustaches these days are destined to end up with women that have hairy bushes. They flock to them to complete the 70’s porn star couple look. The 70’s pornstache and the 70’s pornbush: perfect together. If you ever needed a father for the retro porn look, you would have to look no farther than the star of the most profitable movie of all-time. Harry Reems: star of Deep Throat, a movie so infamous that they named the source that leaked Watergate after it, is that palette of porn chic.

Johnny Holmes (another mustachioed maestro) had the classic dick, Joey Silvera (another one) had the VHS’s shtick, and Traci Lords’ birth certificate had them worried sick; but not sick enough from the soft spot that drives many away from the love-of-your-life party dance club that goes by the fateful name of cancer. It’s anybody’s most horrible night and it can push any repentant soul back in the spotlight. Plain and simple, it kills.

The truth hurts when it is what it seems, adios Mr. Godfather of the Modern Porn Movie, St. Harry Reems. He has stamped his final ticket to paradise. He played the deck life granted him and rolled the dice. Unconsciously he bestowed a style and twang upon this world that would have future generations salivating as they drown in their own world of vice. The only thing unfortunate knowing that I can’t grow a ‘suck-my-dick’ stache on my baby face is the fact that I get passed over by that fine denim wearing hairy pussy.

It sucks not having a mustache, especially on days like these. Or having an image that will live permanently on film reels or in magazines. Hopefully the US Government never persecutes me like they did to him. If so, in this day in age, I’d be forced to meet them half way. Or side with them. Or pretend to be normal. Yet I’m only Mexican, and like Reems, I find pleasure in what many look towards as sin.  I view it as having a good time. He viewed it as an honest wage. Today we honor the cross he carried both in his pants and under oath. On a day where we reflect the life of Harry Reems, every man wishes for a mustache.

-Miguel Angelo

Photos courtesy of http://classicporn.tumblr.com

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3 Responses to “Creator Of The Porno Stache”

  1. pud says:

    Rest in peas you beautiful pervy old man.

  2. [...] Died this week. Founding father of smut. [...]

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