Chiseled Guts

Cao Hui Internal Anatomy Sculptures

Death by Party | Cao Hui Internal Anatomy Sculptures

Do you ever sit back and ponder beauty in the Classical World? I do every time I meet an Italian woman, until she opens her mouth. Your typical Italian women these days love tanning salons, men on steroids, red wine, pasta, and talking on the phone. At least that’s the perception I get when I visit America’s link to the Old World, the Olive Garden. This perception also includes the wonderful women of Greek and Jewish descent. Like Italian women, these women come from the Mediterranean, and may as well be fixtures at your local Olive Gardens. After all, women from Mediterranean countries must’ve eaten some kind of pasta, that’s where it was invented, right? Although in each country the taste in men may have differed.  Most Greek men, so I’ve heard, are bisexual and eat olives, the two are synonymous after all; while most Jewish men are lawyers and/or doctors and/or bankers and secretly rule the world through an evil cabal of comedians.

The one classical woman that epitomizes these Mediterranean ladies is the Venus de Milo. She was so popular in the Classical days that they named a planet after her. And the closest replica we get of her beauty is represented in a classical sculpture. At first look, one may be intimidated by this epitome of beauty; but fear not, she had no arms meaning if you rubbed up on her on top of her she’d have trouble slapping you away. (Personally, I only date amputees) Not even in your own dreams could she break free! What’s best; her hair is not made of snakes and her eyes don’t shoot lasers like her antagonist, the Medusa.  She is all pleasure and fulfillment, like a bowl of pasta. And if you have any question over the tenderness of her heart most modern day women of Mediterranean descent lack, Chinese artist Cao Hui has done an intensive study deconstructing the internal attributes of this Beauty Goddess.

Hui’s study shows that Venus not only possesses a heart that wasn’t made out of stone, but she had a mind. As you unravel her dress I am confident she also possesses an unspeakable breeding ground that lies fertile between her statuesque legs. Thanks to Hui, women of a classical descent can cheer about something that was once real and not a myth.  They can feel proud of whom they are and not feel inclined to hide behind a synthetic guise that so many of them run towards as they age. And for any of the men that come from Classical Descent, sorry to rain on your ejaculation parade. Hui has examined and reconstructed the brain of David to show the world that he actually thought with more than one head.

By Lou Cervantes

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