An Alternative Kind Of Green On Saint Patty’s Day

Money Guns Weed and the good things in between

Death by Party | You don’t have to be a drunk douche on Saint Patrick’s Day

I loath Saint Patricks Day. I loath Saint Patricks Day so much that I loath people who rant and rave about loathing Saint Patricks Day. Because I don’t want to be one of those elitist douche bags that rant and rave about hating the amateur hour holiday drinking douche bags who wander the streets in their moronic jerk off wacky hats and stupid cartoon shades and piss and puke all over the streets of ever American City, I will refrain from going on and on about my distain for these square can’t hold their liquor weekend warrior twits and their skanky “it’s my chance to dress like a stripper in broad daylight oops there is jagger vomit on my cleavage again” hoe girlfriends.

Instead I will make a simple plea for an alternative shade of green. I like a good stiff drink, but I don’t need a bullshit holiday to do it, and neither do you. So I say, instead of drinking dyed Coors light and Jello shots, stay at home and enjoy Gods green. Avoid the ass wipes with the beads and the screaming and the stupidity and sit back and roll a big fat stinky blunt, get faded** and watch Leprechaun II on Netflix.  Cleaning up spilled potato chips is easier than cleaning up piss and vomit.

With this alternative, your tits won’t show up on some shitty “out on the town” site tomorrow. You won’t wake up with some gross Jersey girl. You will know where your car is. Your head won’t hurt. Your dignity will be intact. Then you can distinguish yourself from the masses and turn around and do all of these things on a Tuesday afternoon like I do.

By Robert Brown

Photos courtesy of

**Death by Party does not endorse or condone the use of illegal drug use and all references are purely fictional for entertainment purposes.

Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

Leave a Reply