Action Bronson Needs To Be My New BF

Death by Party | Different kind of sexy

I have a secret dinner club.  Once every few weeks I invite a few friends to drink a little too much wine and eat anything that walks, crawls or swims.  Night one- 5 courses of Japanese.  Night 2- Stuffed leg of lamb with various accompaniments.  Night 3- Grilled calamari & lobster tails with fresh gazpacho & classy lady cocktails on the patio.  Night 4…  you get the idea.   For our most recent affair I served a braised short rib  & orchiette  pasta with truffled wild mushroom alfredo sauce.  Of course our invited guests always want to know what they can bring.  Last week my girl was kind enough to provide us with some extracurricular enjoyment- I’ve been finding roaches for days, and not the kind that crawl.

Dinner music is always a hard sell- no matter what you pick you can never make everyone happy.  It’s a double edged sword- you get everyone stoned and they LOVE everything about the food, but they’re all suddenly moonlighting as a music critic, or they just applied for a job as one.  It’s bullshit, but since we’re at my house 99% of the time I just tune them out and listen to the sweet,  sweet rhymes of whoever I happen to be into at the moment.  My most recent crush was 50 Cent- Queens rapper extraordinaire- built like a brick shithouse and just thug enough.  Yeah, I’d tap that- but I think I might be getting over him.

Now, I’m not the kind of girl who just loves them and leaves them.  I like to choose my crushes wisely- as they will be fodder for sexual fantasies for at least a couple of weeks.  Perfect timing- someone told me to check out this Action Bronson video.  So, this isn’t the guy I’m going to fuck, this is the guy I’m going to date during my entire first and part of my second semester of college (If I ever had the opportunity to relive those days, that is..)   Cool as fuck, down for whatever, mad rhyming, joint smoking, definitely funny & seemingly chill.  Also from Queens….Oh, and did I mention he’s a chef?  You see where this is going.  He would totally turn into one of those guys that you hang out with long after you break up and still chat with occasionally on facebook years later.

Anyway, Bronsalino, is a pretty cool guy, and that definitely comes through is his music and via his collaborations.  I also really dig it when a person’s life is relevant to their art without sounding like a load of bullshit.  I would totally invite him to my Secret Dinner Club. Now Riff Raff on the other hand…

C. U. Next Tuesday,
By Beth Fox Brown

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