Everything Was Better Back When It’s Not Now

How Heavy This Axe

Death by Party | The Art of Boris Vallejo

I almost socked a slack jawed Taco Bell employee in the face for fucking up my Burrito Supreme today. But I DIDN’T because our society is pussified and I’m not allowed to punch or slap people for speaking to me.

The whole situation made me realize that I miss the golden old timey times of yester yor back in the good ole’ days back before I was alive when all a man needed was a pack of menthol Cools wet with good sherm for impressing the ladies and a rusty bicycle chain slung over the shoulder for peace keepin’.

I’m talking about back in the 80’s. It was a time when Mr. T was the living ultimate expression of male warriorhood and feeling big hairy bush between your fingers meant you were sliding into home.

What about the 70’s? Back when some movies didn’t even feature anal and conversion vans weren’t really even considered rapey yet.

Or what about the 60’s? Back when crapping in an alley by a dumpster was considered “cool” and everyone was required to own a dog so they could settle scores and track down loot.

What I’m saying is, any time in the past is better than any time in the present, no matter what present that is. Back then, things were just more macho and tougher and manlier and better because it’s not now. Even if that back then is today, ten years from now.

That being said. I look at the work of Boris Vallejo and cry big dicked man tears because THAT is when I wish was now. I wish I had a battle axe in one hand and a war hammer in the other and the crushed bodies of flippant Pep Boys employees and baffled Taco Bell employees and any other employees who speak to me are littered around my steel clad war boots while Hooters girls are knelt in supplication before me, offering wings with extra dipping sauce. Oh and did I mention me?

Thank you Boris for making today amazing some day in the battle field of my mind.

-Robert Brown

Photos courtesy of http://www.imaginistix.com

Tags: , , , , , , , ,

One Response to “Everything Was Better Back When It’s Not Now”

Leave a Reply