Happy Easter From Swellco & Swellco

Death by PartyMore eggs from the holy rabbits ass

Today is the holiest of holies. This is the day that dead Jesus rose from the dead to fist fight the devil and hand out chocolate to all the children who have eaten their eggs. People don’t realize why eggs are so important for this holiday. The significance goes far beyond arts and crafts. Back in Roman times, the egg symbolized breakfast and Roman children believed they were eating the souls of their enemies and stealing power from the chicken god. After Christianity was introduced to the Roman Empire, the Pope pronounced that the egg symbolized breakfast and by consuming eggs, they were eating the souls of unborn angels.

Here is a poem my mother made me memorize so I would never forget.

Would you like to know a secret?
Well, I’ll tell you one I know:
The Jesus Christ is coming,
My mama told me so.

He’ll bring a basket filled with eggs
And leave it in my yard,
And I will find it Easter morn,
If I look very hard.

I shouldn’t tell my secret,
But I think it should be shared.
You ought to know that Christ is coming,
So you can be prepared!

Chocolate was introduced later because people believed Jesus must have dug Chocolate because it’s so good. So when you are stuffing your face with delicious, chocolate eggs this morning, remember they are really the souls of angels and you are doing it because violent imperialists tortured a religious fanatic to death thousands of years ago.

Happy Easter!

-Uncle Wheat Toast

Photos courtesy of http://creepybunny.tumblr.com

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