Wheat Toast’s Art Of Etiquette

Death by Party | Umshini Wam- The Die Antwoord- Harmony Korine Short Film

I just sat through this Die Antwoord short film directed by Harmony Korine and it got me all worked up thinking about an appalling conversation I got into with two children. One little boy stated that he thought it was perfectly ok to insert a popsicle into the asshole of a dead monkey if a dead monkey was discovered at a party or other social function. The other boy thought that rubbing the carcass of said animal on one’s genitals is the proper response when found in such a situation. I realized that kids today really need a refresher course on proper manners and etiquette, so I am going to start posting some very basic tips and rules that any civilized human should know. First off I want to clarify their argument. It is highly unlikely that someone is going to bring a dead monkey carcass to a party. They are rare, exotic animals and not something you will find just laying around. It is far more likely that some one will bring in a dead cat or hamster. DO NOT want to see your balls at a party, even if you are rubbing an animal carcass on them. DO NOT insert a popsicle into the anus of a dead monkey carcass. The asshole of a primate is the door to hell. By inserting the popsicle, you risk summoning the devil and he hates parties. (do it at home) Also, -Always send a thank you note when sex is received or thoughtful service or deed is performed. -No matter how clean you would like your carpet to be, it’s not proper to ask guests to remove their shoes upon entering your home. If they are expected to go shoeless, slippers should be provided. -Always be sure guests have been properly introduced. Never assume everyone in the room knows one another. Stay polite, stay classy and avoid the trashy, and a wealth of puntang will always be yours. -Uncle Wheat Toast

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