How To Get An Outlaw (And Eat Him, Too)

Han Solo Carbonite candy mold

Death by Party | Carbonite Candy Molds 

I’m an old fashioned girl, a romantic. The princess waiting to be swept away by true love — and by true love I mean a devil may care, outlaw. The kind that doesn’t care about me enough to do whatever it takes to keep me safe & satisfied.

There are no websites that advertise dates with men who stand for uncertainty, insecurity, surprise, disorder, unlawfulness, bad taste, fun, & things that go boom in the night.*

You can’t arrange meetings with outlaws; they whisk into your life at a chance moment.

I want to make my own outlaw lover, otherwise the right man may never be wrapped in my lust for those hot, fleeting, intensely dangerous nights. & sell the mold to make the perfect man: an outlaw who is all yours!  He will melt in my mouth & our drinks will be watered down by the time we’re finished.

-Fortunata Tomato

*Tom Robbins “Still Life With Woodpecker” defines the outlaw with the clarity of the bulge in the front of any outlaw’s bulging breeches.

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