The Grape of Spades

Motorhead Wine

Death by Party | Motorhead Wine: Sommelier this, mother fucker

My heart is broken.

Lemmy Kilmister is dead… at least to me.

Let me explain: Yesterday I went to the airport to pick up my girlfriend who just came back from a vacation in Sweden (bitch). As soon as she gets in the car she says “I’ve got a present for you!” and pulls out a bottle of Motörhead Shiraz. At first I laughed, because I though she printed it up herself or maybe it was some weird bootleg novelty. But after some googling, I confirmed it’s the official goods.

WTF?!

Listen. I’m no fucking communist. I fully believe in every individual’s right to cash-out on their talent, ability, looks, smarts and/or genitalia. Not to mention, I fully appreciate the precious blood of the grape, I buy a box of Franzia every week. But couldn’t he have come out with a whiskey or something? Maybe a nice Bourbon? Wine just seems so… Un-Lemmy.

The marketing doesn’t help. “The wine has a very fruity aroma with flavours of vanilla, blackberries, plums, eucalyptus and liquorice. It is full-bodied with soft rounded tannins.” Jesus Christ, Lemmy!. All my backstage-after-concert-hotel-room masturbatory fantasies are now ruined with the image if Lemmy Kilmister in a smoking Jacket gingerly holding a long stemmed wine glass asking if I’d like piece of Gouda off of his fucking cheese plate. Not that that sounds so bad…. In fact, come to think of it, that actually sounds kind of hot.

Never-mind Lemmy, I forgive you sweetheart. The wine was delicious by the way.

Motörhead Wine

Felicia Jackson

P.S: Apparently he’s redeeming himself by doing Motörhead Vodka now.

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