Jesus Doesn’t Wear Gold Chains, You Fucking, Fuck

Scarface exclusive by Enterbay

Death by Party | Scarface 12″ Action Figure: “Chi Chi, get the yeyo”

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My position here at Swellco & Swellco is very tentative and in all honesty, I have some reservations about working for this outfit.  I’m very disturbed by a couple of  trends that I’ve been seeing on this site that I really kind of stress me out.

First off, there seems to be a preoccupation with Mexican Drug Cartels. We were the first media source to break the story about Lana Del Rey not being financed or associated with Mexican drug dealers. Then just this week Puss openly admitted her own association with said criminals while mocking the strikingly blunted, toothless hipster hip hop master, Danny Brown.

Then I opened up my writing assignment to discover that I was assigned a toy glorifying Cuban drug lord Tony Danza. I was told to write my impressions on this $225 Enterbay Toy Exclusive. My impression was horror and disgust.

Tony Danza AKA Scarface, (not to be confused with the delightful R&B Singer and Children’s Author, Scarface) was a violent mass murder who was directly responsible for getting Jimmy Carter strung out on coke, and introducing the leisure suit into American culture. Through his drug cartel contacts, he also brought the word “fuck” into vogue. Why the fuck would Enterbay think that it was a good idea to idolize this South American menace is beyond me. It’s irresponsible, it’s immoral.

I think the artists at Enterbay need to stop and ask, what would Jesus do? Well I can tell you what he DOESN’T do. He doesn’t speak Spanish, he doesn’t sell cocaine, he doesn’t listen to Lana Del Rey, he doesn’t wear tight jeans, he doesn’t huff glue and he doesn’t say fuck all the time. He also sure as fuck doesn’t wear gold chains.

So shame on you Enterbay, for your beautifully sculpted, detailed and irresponsible Scarface Exclusive. Visit their site and let them know that you believe this is wrong.

Gene Hollyweather

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