Little To Do With Pussy Riot

Little To Do With Pussy Riot

Death by Party | Hot Trouble

So the other day, after a long night of science-related experiments involving Jagermeister at a South Street testing facility that shall remain nameless, I was walkingt towards Lorenzo’s in order to get an over-sized piece of cardboard covered in cheese that they call pizza. While I was stumbling down the block, a small group of crusty gutter punks and their dog asked me for some change so ‘They could get Drunk’. Now having spent all the semi-hard earned money I had – in the name of science – except for $3 which was specifically allotted for Lorenzo’s so-called Pizza, I felt slightly indignant about that request. And so I politely replied “Fuck you scumbags, get a job and take a shower”. To my unpleasant surprise, they all jumped up from the cold concrete where they were sitting and started to beat my wirey 5’ft 8, 162lb ass.
Even the dog.

To be honest, I’m a lover not a fighter, and so I thought I was all but done for until the honking of a horn followed by the loud unintelligible gibberish of a hot Latina hood-rat/Havana Ginger look-a-like. She was wielding a small Louisville slugger, swinging wildly while screaming something about Choolos or Churrittos – which caused my attackers to disperse.

She said ‘You Okay, Papi?”, helping me regain my composure.
“Yeah. I’m good. What did you say to those guys?” I replied.

And while I’d like to say she simply put her finger over my mouth as if to say hush, leading me back to her orange Toyota Corolla where we made sweet animal-like love to the tunes of Pitbull, all-night-long… What happened in reality was, “Oh Shit. You ain’t fuckin Carlos! What the Fuck!” and she stormed off.

You know I’ll never know exactly what my little Latina sexpot said to those filthy pricks that night… but I really loved the way she said it.

That’s exactly how I feel about Russion Riot Grrl punks, Pussy Riot, who were arrested the other week for publically taunting Vladimir Putin with a street performance of “Putin Pissed Himself” on top of a commandeered public transit bus. Way more punk than sitting around asking for change, you think? Check em out.

-Kevin Dalton

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One Response to “Little To Do With Pussy Riot”

  1. […] Back before they got famous […]

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