My Heart Yearns For Marzipan Pig

Zachariah Jawn Jawn, the evil Marzipan Pig

Death by Party | Bringing back bad memories of Zachariah Jawn Jawn

So this set of disturbing animal mutilation photos have been getting posted around the internet for the last few weeks. I discovered them on 4chan and tracked them back to their original owner, a sick man named Jonas Laberg. The photos clearly show Jonas murdering a helpless, bound Marzipan Pig.

Marzipan Pigs are rare hairless pygmy boars found in the jungles of the Hessische Bergstrasse valley. Originally these small feisty animals were trained to safeguard chicken coops and herd sheep but were later hunted to near extinction when dogs were invented.

When I was a small child, my family had a pet Marizpan Pig named Zachariah Jawn Jawn and he was my most beloved possession and friend. He slept with me, cleaned me, told me stories at night and kept the brain demons from infecting my head guts. When I was 8, our turnip crop failed and my parents made Zachariah into dinner. Eating my best friend scarred me for life and I’ve always fought for Marzipan Pig preservation and became a vegan who only eats plants that died on their own terms.

Seeing Jonas Laberg murder this poor regal animal and then allow two savage minors to desecrate it’s butt-hole and gleefully feast on it’s dead face is just too much for me to bare. I call on all of our readers to confront Laberg and say “leave that poor pig be” and insure that no more helpless desserts are harmed.

-Gene Hollyweather

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