Stay Alive: Avoid Liabilities!

Director Tommy Tommy Wirkola’s Nazi Zombie Epic, Dead Snow

Death by Party | Dead Snow

This is day 87 of my Netflix binge. I’m feeling good about myself, feeling good about my ever shifting reality my warm takeout littered womb is providing me.

I have decided that I am never leaving my high-rise, secure as a bunker, owned by my drug cartel father, Center City apartment again.  I only want to be around heavily muscled men with attitudes as big as their cocks & guns larger than their loyalty.

Puss Bainbridge is not scared of any exhilarating experiences & never hesitates to disco down a dark alley; it’s the people who move outside of my dark circles who worry me:  I am going to avoid anything & anyone who is a liability to my security & composure.

I am done with friends who find buried treasure & keep it.  No, I do not want to accompany you to your ramshackle cabin in the avalanche-prone mountains.   As much as I know what a turn on it is, I will no longer be getting drunk & riding the dude who I just met in the outhouse during a snowstorm.  Hike through the haunted forests where a ruthless Nazi General & his evil men were last seen & never found?  Sounds fun, but no thanks.

I know a good idea when it bites me on the ass & staying cooped up in my 4,500 sq. ft., reinforced sanctuary is one of my best yet.

My guards will be full cavity searching every guest for stolen Nazi gold, just in case. Long live Nazi gold! Long live Swellco & Swellco’s Reality Altering Process! Long Live Netflix!

-Puss Bainbridge

Tags: , , , , , ,

Leave a Reply