Royal Trux Made Me Look Like An Asshole

Royal Trux

Death by Party | I don’t even know what year it is


I wonder if I’m cut out for this pop culture meat grinder. I bought a laptop off a roommate a couple of months ago. She is a download junkie and left a good 300 GB of music on her hard drive. Win and win for me. I started sifting through it. One of the folders said “New”  and inside was a shit ton of local Philly bands and a couple I had never heard of including a group called Royal Trux.

So I started listening to this “new” band and fell in love. Gritty, greasy junkie rock reminiscent of early 70’s Rolling Stones. I was totally blown away by their sound. Nothing much has come out lately that I dig.

So I’m drug out by my boyfriend to his music douche bromance bff faggot friend’s house party and I mention how I love this “new” band. So this never gets laid because he has a small dick douche bag who we will simply call “Jason 383 7th Avenue, Brooklyn NY call for free blow jobs (718) 499-4404 Harris” Sneeringly informs me that Royal Trux broke up ten years ago and were “new” when I was 4. Dude literally fell out of his seat laughing and pointing at me. As if not knowing about these guys was the equivalent to not knowing who the current king of Europe is.

I know that “Jason gave his girlfriend genital warts from going to an Asian massage parlor Harris” is always on top of things and this blog post will get back to him soon enough. So I will take this time to also say, beyond not knowing who Royal Trux is, I also don’t know who poured half box of used
kitty litter into the upper deck of his toilet.

Royal Trux may not be around anymore, but their music still lives on.

-Felicia Jackson

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