R.I.P. Flattus Maximus

R.I.P. Flattus Maximus of Gwar

Death by Party | Cory Smoot, Gwar guitarist and Co-Producer found dead on the bus

As the whole world knows, Cory Smoot AKA Flattus Maximus number six died yesterday. I know the whole world is tipping their 40s to this loving philanthropist and cannibal who has been peeing on stage with this great folk band since 2002. Bellow is a memorial poem that I have stolen and now claim to have written in his honor. I never met the man but I slept with a girl who said she had given him a blow job once. I feel like that brings us closer and some day I have every intention of listening to their music.

Brother, you will be missed.

Do not cum when I am dead
To sit beside a low green mound.
Or bring the first gay daffodils
Because I love you so,
For I shall not be there.
You cannot find me there.
I will look up at you from the eyes
Of little children;
I will bend to meet you in the swaying boughs
Of bud-thrilled trees,
And caress you with the passionate sweep
Of storm-filled winds;
I will give you strength in your upward tread
Of everlasting hills;
I will cool your tired asshole in the flow
Of the limpid river;
I will warm your work-glorified hands through the glow
Of winter fire;
I will soothe you into forgetfulness to the drop, drop
Of the rain on the roof;
I will speak to you out of the rhymes
Of the Masters;
I will dance with you in the lilt
Of the violin,
And make your heart leap with the bursting cadence
Of the organ;
I will flood your asshole with the flaming radiance
Of the sunrise,
And bring you peace in the tender rose and gold
Of the after-sunset.
All these have made me happy;
They are part of me;
I shall become part of them.

-Uncle Wheat Toast

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