Thank You, Big Freedia

Death by Party | Bounce it

Dear Big Freedia,

While I generally keep my letters to other trannies personal and somewhat filthy, I feel a great need to publicly acknowledge your humanitarian efforts in the inner city.

You see, the other day I was leaving our well-armed compound in the ghetto of Kensington, Philadelphia, to get some Vaseline and corn chips from the local bodega, when I realized the whole way there I didn’t step over a single junkie corpse. As I passed the park looking for bits of discarded crack rock in the many small plastic baggies strewn about, there was music coming from somewhere, and I noticed in the distance the unusual sight of several local youth not killing each other. In fact, rather than killing each other they were circling a group of young girls who were vibrating and shaking their round voluptuous booties at incredible speeds. As I listened to the deep and powerful lyrics, “Ass, Ass, Ass Everywhere, Ass Everywhere, Ass, Ass, Ass Everywhere, Ass Everywhere – Bend ova, like I told ya, Bend ova, like I told ya”, I was informed by the local smack dealer that it was your music causing this blessed event as many onlookers – black, white, and brown – stared on in a spirit of peace, brotherhood and lechery.

The sense of unity was trans-formative and quickly gave me an erection.

In any case, once again, thank you Big Freedia.
May the booties bounce forever to your beautiful body of work.


-Uncle Wheat Toast

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