Picked By Virgin Lips, Stored Between Fresh Young Tits

Chinese Virgin Tea Leafs

Death by Party | Chinese Virgin Tea Leafs: Out Of The Mouths Of Babes

I believe myself to be a connoisseur of the finer things, and coming from humble beginnings, I’m quite proud of that. Now, that isn’t to say I’m not happy when my gracious host offers a cold National Bohemian Lager as a beverage, or ecstatic when my manservant joins me for a Classy Lady (for those who are not in the know- it’s warm white wine, from a box, over ice.) “Frozen pizza?” “Yes!! Do you have any truffle oil?” Back in my trailer park days, I adored deviled ham sandwiches with Grey Poupon on white bread. And believe me- those WERE the days, and oddly enough, I can remember Natalie Merchant singing something about me remembering them.

Anyway Anyway Anyway- I remember my first bottle of Cristal like it was yesterday, it’s bubbles dancing on my tongue. The French have a term called terrior, for all you weight lifters out there- it’s about tasting the love, and the land; really savoring the process that goes into creating something truly beautiful to all 5 senses. Getting back on track, I was utterly floored the first time Wheat Toast & I had our first cup of coffee brewed of beans shit by a weasel, but the Chinese have put all of this to shame with their completely beguiling technique of processing (or not) of tea. The leaves are so precious that they are not to come into contact with hand or machine when plucked. They are taken from the stem by the lips of virgins and stored between their (C- cup or larger) breasts. I’m brought to tears by the gorgeousness of this circumstance, as I also would like to be tucked into the nubile cleavage of a Chinese virgin. Anyone care to join me for a spot of tea?

C U Next Tuesday,
XOXO,
-Helen Harper

Photos courtesy of http://chinanews.com

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