Sex With Timaree
Anything you can do, I can do better…
This entry is brought to you courtesy of our month-long homage to Women’s History Month, “The Female Power Project.”
Sexologist Timaree Schmit earned a doctorate in Human Sexuality Education from Widener University, the culmination of a lifelong search for rational, sex-positive, empirically-based knowledge about sexuality. Besides being one of the most sexy vixens of the dance/burlesque-type group The Sister Sirens, with whom Louise LaTease has had the pleasure of working with several times in the past, this vixen also happens to be a close friend of many staff members here at Swellco & Swellco. In collaboration with our month-long Female Power Project, she agreed to submit one of her best female vs. male debates from her website, sexwithtimaree.com; read her article here first, then go to the aforementioned website to learn more about this powerfully sexy and highly-educated diva.
Question to the Sexpert:
All right, I know I’m going to get a lot of crap for asking this, but I really want to know: what can a woman do for another woman sexually that a man can’t do? I’m not trying to be a jerk. I’m just really curious and I don’t know any lesbians that I’m good enough friends with to ask.”
You know what? You’ve posed a question that undoubtedly many a man (and woman, perhaps) has pondered to no avail, unable to locate their friendly neighborhood lesbian Mr. Rogers. Unfortunately, most women who have sex with women will only hear this question from a male who seeks to debate them into playing for his team or otherwise turn his insecurity into their frustration.
There are about a skillion ways to answer this; all would be technically accurate but they may not apply to every woman and it’s doubtful, at the end of the day, that the superiority and comparable diversity of lesbian sexual activity is the end-all reason for lesbian and bisexual women to live and love the way they do. I HIGHLY encourage any women who have sex with women to give their personal response to this question.
Were I a more flippant little sexpert (or if we had the opportunity to have this discussion in person) I’d respond, “Well, what can a man do for a woman sexually that a woman can’t?” The most obvious answer is penile penetration. Yet, as anyone who’s ever even approached the entrance of an adult video store knows you can purchase yourself a penis-like equivalent in any size, shape, texture or color that requires neither fluffing nor a refractory period, can be heated or cooled to one’s preference and may even be able to vibrate, glow in the dark or be worn nearly anywhere on the body.
So, now is the part where you point out that dildos are very different from natural penises. True enough! And that difference comes with both advantages and disadvantages for phalli of both the real and synthetic variety. Things like sperm, down-time between rounds, skin, hair, perma-erections and being attached to an actual person can be both good and bad, depending on the situation and individuals involved.
So if a woman needs penetration, she doesn’t require a man to provide her with that. Any sexual activity men can do, women can do as well, and vice versa, thanks to the engineering ingenuity of the geniuses in the adult toy industry. But obviously, there’s more to it than that.
THE PHYSICAL ATTRACTION ANSWER:
I’m going to assume that you’re straight, and ask you to start thinking up a list of what you find hot about women physically. Maybe it’s their smell, their curves, or their softness. Maybe it’s their little feet or hairless backs. Let me let you in a little secret: men don’t have a monopoly on finding those things about women hot.
Do you like big muscles, facial hair or man sweat sexy? Some women and men do, some don’t. Again, there are no hard and fast rules about to whom we’re attracted. And if a woman only gets hot thinking about the girly bits on another female, there ain’t a thing a man can do to change her mind or compete.
THE SENSUALITY ANSWER:
Despite what we often hear, women and men are not distinct creatures, so separate and opposite from each other that they might as well be different species (or more idiotically, from different fucking planets). We exist on a continuum of gender expression, where some individuals are passive and sensitive and others are aggressive and ambitious, regardless of their biological sex. However, we cannot ignore the fact that lesbian relationships and lesbian sexuality can have a different feel to it than hetero sex.
Lesbian sex is renowned for it’s comparable lack of goal-centeredness, for instance. A lot of heterosexuals feel that sexual situations must play out in a linear fashion: getting increasingly hotter until the goal of orgasm is reached at which time play comes to an end until the next round. Women who have sex with women may take a lot longer to reach the conclusion of their playtime, taking advantage of the ability to orgasm multiple times or to more sensually venture each other’s terrains. The journey can be slower, softer, and more sensual for some women. Men are perfectly capable of having sex this way, and most jazz music implies to me that the musician is advertising such abilities, and again, we’re speaking in generalizations, since not every woman wants their sex to take 8 bloody hours.
THE EMOTIONAL AND SOCIAL ANSWER:
Some people prefer the company of either women or men because they feel they “get” each other better, have a deeper connection or are on more equal terms than in the larger sexist society. This preference, sometimes called an affectional orientation, can apply to friendships, teammates or romantic relationships. By and large, same-sex relationships tend to be more egalitarian and the constraints of gender roles are comparatively diminished. Again, we’re making big generalizations and I’m sure you’re a very considerate man who respects women, takes them completely seriously and almost never stops listening to what they’re saying because you’re distracted by the décolletage revealed by a low cut top.
THE NIT-PICKING ANSWER:
All right, let’s get to the minutia. These are unlikely to be the reasons a woman has sex with women instead of men, but hey, it could make a difference: less likelihood of sexually transmitted infections, no unplanned pregnancy worries (and therefore, less need to pay for contraceptive methods), more understanding and empathy for the daily issues of female biology, etc.
So, hopefully this answer has given you some insights or has, at minimum, sparked the conversation you always hoped to sit in on.
Do you have a question or comment? Please email Timaree directly at email@example.com.