The Baphomet Birthday Bash Masquerade Heavy Metal Dance Party And Emergency Preparedness Drill part 2
Being responsible for the conceptualization and management of Baphomet’s Celebrity Birthday Bash Masquerade Dance Party & Emergency Preparedness Drill was simultaneously a thankless and rewarding endeavor. Like most bosses in our line of work, the dark overseers are rare to show appreciation for our ceaseless toil behind the curtains. It must be enough for one to find satisfaction in simply watching his (or her) depraved ruminations come to life.
And, while the Ritual Killing of Glenn Beck’s pinata was certainly planned to be a highlight of the evening, the event I was looking forward to most was the first Swellco & Swellco “Anything Goes – No Talent Contest”.
Unfortunately, with the limited budget corporate affords us, one of the biggest challenges we face on a daily basis is managing the fair amount of creative and enthusiastic degenerates who wish to participate in our work. The “Anything Goes – No Talent Contest” was my effort to allow some of these stars to shine.
Truth be told, the inspiration for this contest was born 15-16 years prior. In the early nineties in the heart of the lower east side of New York, I was a regular attendee and amateur performer at what was generally considered to be one of the the most decadent club nights that ever existed, “Trip & Go Naked”. Held at the Pyramid Club, whose clientèle boasted of squatter punks, drag queens, skinheads, Hell’s Angels and everything in between; any given night was sure to include vagina flame-throwers, gratuitous bloodletting, transvestite bingo, etc. The climax of the night was the “What will you do for $50 Contest?”
At the time, I had been a squatter living amongst the Mole People in an abandoned controller’s office inside of an Amtrak tunnel underneath Riverside Park. Money was tight, and $50 could get me through the week. On the first night attending the party, I was hungry for cash and, just before last call on performers I informed Mistress Otter – the hostess of ceremonies – of my ‘act’. Taking an empty beer bottle, I instructed her to swiftly break it over my head. There was a shower of glass, a stream of blood, a roar of applause and in an instant, I was $50 bucks richer. This continued for 2 months or so as I became known as ‘The Bottle Guy’ winning week after week, breaking probably no less than 25 bottles over my head and donating at least a pint of blood to the Pyramid’s floor over the course of the summer. My ‘theatrical’ dominance was only ended by two very attractive dykes who basically culminated their toy-assisted public fornication with mutual golden showers on stage.*
And so it was with high hopes and this spirit in mind, that I looked forward to the “Anything-Goes-No-Talent Contest”. The pressing question in my mind was “Fifteen years later, would another debauched generation step up to the plate?” And to be honest, after the first two entries for the contest performed that evening, I was sadly under the impression they would not.
However, it was with the third contestant that the torch of degradation was passed, when a young man in a wolf furry costume came triumphantly forward and demanded to have “Swellco” carved in his back with a knife. Offering his very own flesh and blood for the entertainment and pleasure of our dark lords /corporate masters, he allowed a very lovely and drunk blade-wielding vixen to violently etch our trademark in his back winning the $50 and our admiration. Now that’s brand loyalty. If you missed the moment, I’ll just say it was a very emotional and heart warming scene for all who attended and we’ll be sure to continue the tradition at our next event. But for now, you may enjoy the photo’s below.
Swellco & Swellco 12124a
* True Story, Bro