My Penis Is Clean

Die Antwoord – Evil Boy

I read in a fortune cookie that Die Antwoord’s song, Evil Boy is about young men being forced into ritual circumcision in South Africa. I guess it’s a practice that’s pretty widespread down there. Hence the lyrics and wang references in the song and video.

I’m glad a band out there finally addressed this issue. There is a lot of misinformation about dirty wangs, and the importance of working them out. For years I went by the wives tale that you should coat your wang with bacon grease at least once a week. Wow, is that not the case. I spent the better part of my adolescence with grease stains soaking through my jeans and ant bites all over my balls. I thought it would drive the ladies wild. I mean, who doesn’t love bacon? I bet Yolandi Visser does. Well it turns out that my bacon treatments were actually preventing me from getting laid, not encouraging it. The flies buzzing around my junk should have been a sign.

Any who, if you are rubbing bacon grease down there, stop. Or if you are using it for masturbation lube to keep it strong, (or cock pushups) clean it afterwards. If you have a foreskin, break out the exacto knife and detail that puppy. Die Antwoord will be happy that you did.

— James “Jimi Jam” Jarvis

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