The Internet Is For Porn

Death by Party | The Thundercats Sing

So, I was buying some PCP* from this little old lady at the bus stop the other day and she told me something interesting. She said, “Wheat Toast, jerking off is the Devil and that’s how I know the world is ending soon.” I didn’t really ask her to elaborate, I don’t feel comfortable talking about the end of the world with elderly women unless we’re fucking. But she’s probably right. As the Thundercats point out, The Internet is truly for porn, and with that as a tool, then that means the devil is drowning in self produced baby making juice.

Fuck it, I’m ready. Here is my open letter to anyone ladies who want to join me in my sexy bunker.

In those bright and glorious days after the apocalypse, you and I will come  out of our collective rocks and the world  will be ours. We will spend our days making silly paper hats, siting in  ostrich feathers lime juice baths and we will sit around  the fire singing advertising jingles in our very best James Brown voices. It will all be grand because no  one will tell us it isn’t. We  will not however, molest the cattle, for there will be no cattle  to molest.

Sincerely,
-Uncle Wheat Toast

*Death by Party does not endorse or condone the use of illegal drug use and all references are fictional and purely for entertainment purposes only.

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