Helping Johnny Remember

Death by Party | When you’re strange

Nobody is normal anymore.  You show me someone that is and I’ll show you a liar.  Everybody is a little strange.  When I get dehydrated after my morning jog and wander into the local corner shop to grab a rehydration beverage I may as well be the strangest guy around.  Even a laid back honky-tonk has trouble handling my orders.  Granted the rabid foam that erupts from my mouth doesn’t aid in the comfort of those around me however that should be no excuse for the evil eyes and pointing fingers.  After a run everybody reminds me of the children from this Helping Johnny Remember video.

It does not end with the dehydration episodes.  Every time I open my front door half naked with a towel on after a run and say ‘hi’ to my local mailman he seems to want to extinguish me with his satanic glare.  I may be startling him but it is nothing but an innocent gesture.  It’s not like I’m trying to hurt him.  I look out for the well being of postal workers.  Mailmen carry checks and may be robbed at any moment.  It’s not like I’m a chihuahua chasing them down the street, although I will confess to opening the door on all fours with a collar around my neck and a chicken bone in my mouth every so often.  Whether I’m ruining his day or threatening his life there is no excuse for this type of behavior from government workers.  The taxpayer always comes first.

Other more oriented people tend to also get evil in my presence after long runs.  Business people downtown in suits that I attempt to give a high-five while dripping in sweat seem so disturbed by me that they may as well be burning effigies in my honor.  Fellow runners give me the stare of death as they jog on by.  What’s so wrong with trying to start conversations these strangers on a jog?  The worst perpetrators are people driving cars.  Don’t they know that the runner has the right-away.  If they hit me, they’re libel.  Although lucky for them I’m against suing people.  In fact, I fear all lawyers that are in the business of suing.  Jogging or not jogging, they’ll always don the evil eye to help you remember like poor Johnny.  And in my life they represent the only group of people I would want to use supernatural powers as an extinguishing effort if they ever tried to corner me in a courtroom.

By Lou Cervantes

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